Ivy the coupled

Being in a relationship is a lot like buying a pair of 4.5" heels. It seems so glamourous, but once you're in them it's just a lot of stumbling and pain...plus you look like an asshole. After a full year and a half of being less committal than a moderate voter in the 2004 election, I finally entered a relationship. Cue the flowers, candies, dates to every party, soup when I'm sick, and rides to the airport, right?

Wrong, wrong, oh boy, so wrong. I guess I've always prided myself on not being the type of girl who swoons over The Notebook. Until I remember that while Ryan Gosling may not do it for me, I AM the type of girl who swoons over The Princess Bride. Whether we like to admit it or not, we've all glamorized relationships. And in some respects, those of us who have stayed single the LONGEST probably glamorize them the most. I mean, for Christ's Sake, if it takes a year and a fucking half for me to finally get back into one, shouldn't it be the most incredible thing since Zac Efron's six pack?

I'm still on the fence with this one. My recent relationship was with a cute, funny, intelligent guy who seemed like a perfect fit. Except the Prince Charming didn't exactly come with the white horse; our ensuing relationship was probably about as romantic as a junior high dance. But the only flaw I could find with the relationship was that it was lacking in that Disney magic... he still treated me kindly, made me laugh, and snuggled with me. The only thing really lacking was that box of chocolates.

So how much IS a box of chocolates, besides 1700 calories? Apparently enough to destroy my relationship, and I didn't even know it. Because as much as we like to pretend we are progressive, and that we don't want to be treated like the damsel in distress, I'm pretty sure that only applies to getting an equal paycheck. When it comes to dating, we still want flowers and candles and all that cheesy bullshit we make fun of our friends for liking. Is it hypocritical? Well, yes. But we have boobs, so deal.

Everyone always tells me relationships take work. And maybe they do, but guess what...that's probably why I hate relationships. Everything else in my life takes work. Can we just skip ahead to the free dinners and affection? Deep down I have a sneaking suspicion that relationships that really work DON'T take work... and maybe I'm unrealistic, but I think that just means I have to find someone as unrealistic as I am.

Holding out for the white horse, palace, and all,

Ivy