The best dating advice comes from Eleanor Roosevelt

Remember that little quote that's been pummeled into your head since kindergarten? "There's nothing to fear but fear itself." Unfortunately for the late Mrs. Roosevelt, the people of America probably should have also feared the ensuing decade of bread lines, unemployment, and stocking up on toilet paper. But while my love life could be considered depressing, it's hardly the Great Depression. It's more akin to the most recent economic crisis; Nothing that can't be fixed by a black man.

...I digress. While the quote may currently seem as culturally relevant as Tamagatchis, I found myself really thinking about it. What has REALLY caused more detriment to my life? The things I'm afraid of, or the fact that I'm afraid of them? My list of phobias includes, but is not limited to:Acrophobia, algophobia, apiphobia, cacophobia, chiroptophobia, decidophobia, dutchphobia, gamophobia, macrophobia, nudophobia, orientalphobia... and the big one... philophobia.

I am absolutely terrified that one day I might be forced into the situation where I have to...love someone. Most of my fears stem from the fact that my mind likes to think of ways everything can go wrong. Sometimes this is a good thing; as in when I finally come to the conclusion that getting into a car with 3 strange men I just met at the bar is a poor choice (...God, I wish I HAD come to that conclusion...) But sometimes it's terrible thing, like when I irrationally believe my boyfriend is cheating on me with Heidi Klum (and he doesn't even like blondes!)

But that's the reason philophobia is my favorite of all phobias. It's the easiest one to justify, because most of these "irrational" thoughts have ACTUALLY FUCKING HAPPENED. I've been cheated on with strangers and with friends. I've cheated on people for no apparent reason with 7 different dudes in one night. I've dumped people over text, after things were going seemingly well. I've been dumped over facebook chat, after things were going seemingly well. People fall in and out of love faster than I throw up after chugging 3 Long Islands. Add all this up, and being love feels a lot like standing on a mountain surrounded by bees and Asian people; absolutely frightening.

Now some people are thrill seekers and absolutely get off on this feeling. I do not. I'm being a risk seeker if I decide to wear lace underwear in the morning. And while I realize that my love averse behavior is putting me on the Metra to Cat Lady Town, that doesn't mean I'm ready to take the plunge.

So sorry there, Eleanor. While you may have given some sound advice, your husband also cheated on you with your social secretary. So maybe the only thing to fear... is women who are hotter than you.

At least I'm not blogophobic,

Ivy