Specifically, breaking up with someone that you have no business even being in a relationship with anymore.
Background story: My sister, Little Ally and her boyfriend have recently (read: a majority of their relationship) been hitting a few bumps. They argue/full on fight a LOT. Neither one likes them to keep the company of the opposite gender if they're not around. And they need to know what the other is doing at all times, probably to make sure it is nothing they wouldn't approve of. Also, BF is a little controlling (not excessively, but a smidgen more than most semi-insecure 17 year old boys are). Don't get me wrong though, other parts of their relationship are wonderful, buuuut I'm just picking out the bad to make my point (Yay selective observation!).
Anyway, Lil' A decided to start listening to me and literally every one of her friends who said it may be best if they broke up. So she decided to do what most college freshmen do the first week of livin' in the dorms- dump her boyfriend. Well, BF didn't like that idea. He proceeded to tell her the dreaded words that will make most girls change their minds. He pulled the "Don't do this, I promise I'll change, just give me one more chance" card. And she bought it. Despite everyone telling her that he cannot change forever. Well, Lil' A takes after her big sis and there was an alcohol induced incident that occurred (not saying what it was incase BF reads this). Nothing happened, buuuut, when you're trying to fix a relationship, one is typically a little more reserved.
Naturally, I told her this was a sign that deep down she didn't want to fix the relationship. She disagreed and just said it was a stupid mistake and she felt bad about it. She said she thought it would help her figure out what she wanted. Which it did not, but instead confused her even more. Wow, Shocking. Who knew fraternizing with HOT single boys who are nice to you would make staying with the boy you want to dump because he makes you cry more difficult. We proceeded to discuss (argue) about the situation. I asked her why she wanted to stay with BF and her response was "Because I love him and he was my first serious boyfriend and we've been through a lot together." Well, those SEEM to be good enough reasons, right? WRONG. Those things don't really pertain to the present. So I asked her if she's happy like, all the time with him. She said that no one in a relationship is happy all the time. So I asked her how much they fought. She said "Less". Not "not that much", or "once in a while" but "less." Hmmm. Yea. is that REALLY a healthy relationship, Lil' A? Not so much.
And I don't mean to rip on my sister, because honestly, I see SOOOO many of my friends fall into the same trap of various unhealthy relationships. I totally understand that it's completely hard to just end a relationship with someone you've been with for years, but I think there comes a point where it's just necessary. Sometimes, two people aren't compatible anymore. And that's ok. It just means you have grown as people and found yourselves. What you had was great, but you're no longer the same people you were when you met. It doesn't mean you don't love each other anymore. (I'm gonna get really cliche now) It just means that you're not meant to spend the rest of your lives together. If someone (or most of your friends) are telling you that your relationship is becoming destructive, don't be defensive, but actually listen and think about it.
Think about why you're staying together:
If "Because we love each other" is the ONLY reason. Is that really enough? Does that alone cancel out all the bad? If you're not totally happy, it's not enough.
Also, saying some variation of, "When we're not fighting, its REALLY good" is a red flag. That is not good, sweetie, that is bad. I'm pretty sure they teach you back in High School health classes that people who stay in abusive relationships say that to justify everything.
Basically, my moral of the story is that sometimes love isn't enough. Sometimes, you just end up working way to hard at a relationship that needs to end. (I'm going to be very blunt here to get my point across) When that happens, you need to break up. Cherish the good from the relationship and take it all as a learning experience from a chapter in your life and then start the new one. I promise that you will find someone even better that will treat you right ALL the time.
I'm fully aware I sound like the condescending older sister, but who cares? I'm right...
Ally
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