I’ve uttered variations of this statement before. I know most of you have. I also know that most guys would probably say this is a lame excuse. It’s not. It’s a perfectly acceptable and legitimate excuse.
While I am a freelance designer (which isn’t remotely interesting as it sounds), I’m still looking for a full-time, big girl job. So how did I spend last week, you ask? Well, I spent all of last week waiting by my phone, in bed, waiting for a man to call after he said he would. And he did. Nine days later.
I don’t know if you realize how long that is to wait for a man to call. Well, actually, I’m sure you do. You spend every five minutes looking at your phone to make sure you have service. You’re constantly texting people, waiting for their response to confirm that your phone, is, in fact, functional. You begin to make excuses for him such as: “Oh, it’s 11:00 am, it’s still early.” “Oh, it’s 3:00, I’m sure he got slammed at work.” “Oh, it’s after 5:00…he’s probably left the office so I won’t hear from him until tomorrow now…I hope.”
Oh. Sorry. Did you think I was talking about a boy I was interested in? Oh no…I was talking about my potential employer who said he’d be following up our phone interview with a call to set up a meeting.
Throughout my job search, I’ve realized that this process is almost identical to dating. Well, that’s not true. It’s worse. If a boy doesn’t like me, I dress slutty, go to a bar, get hammered, and make out with a stranger. There are always more men. Always. There are not always more jobs. If I don’t snag the one, who knows how long I’ll be sitting on my couch counting down the days until the series finale of All My Children.
I know, I sound ridiculous right now. But it’s true. So I’ve compiled a list of the ways interviewing is like dating.
1. You’re so nervous before your interview, you consider taking a shot before you leave to calm down. Eventually, you decide against it because you don’t want to smell like liquor and be labeled an alcoholic this early. (Side note: While most normal people may not take shots before dates, Ivy and I have. Many times.)
2. You get dressed in the outfit you planned days before. You make sure that you look thin, mature, and not slutty, but also still really hot.
3. When meeting with the interviewer, you stumble upon your words, try to make yourself sound interesting/smart/clever, and try your hardest to avoid any awkward silences.
4. After the meeting is over, you replay every second of it over your head. Multiple times. You try to figure out if you really WERE clever and smart, or if you sounded like an idiot. You also try to decipher the interviewer’s reaction to everything you said. You spend forever trying to figure out if he/she liked you.
5. After the meeting you wait for a call back. And wait. And wait…
6. If they DO call you back, your insecurities subside a tad. You now know that you were liked. But were you liked enough to be considered for real commitment?
7. You go back for a second meeting. You repeat steps 1-5.
8. Hopefully, after this, you get called back with the wonderful news that you are now employed. If not, you probably will end up very, very drunk trying to fill the void in your life.
I now know why the “focusing on my career” excuse was invented. Because having gone through this in regards to a job AND a boy at the exact same time, I legitimately started to lose it. My life was literally at a halt until two separate men decided if/when they would contact me. It was awful and I did not like it. I would encourage everyone to avoid that situation at all costs.
Waiting for Step 8