So the whole world knows that this semester I had my heart torn into approximately 850 pieces by the greatest (and CUTEST) mindfucker to be unleashed upon mankind. MF (which stands for mindfucker, but by the way, could stand for something else in describing him) emotionally abused me with a smile, all the while somehow convincing me he had done nothing out of the ordinary. Genius. At any rate, what's done is done, and I've moved on to gaining 10 lbs and he's moved on to fucking half of Chicago...and one of my friends.
I ran into said friend at the library (okay, the bar, shut up) last night. Now I'm an adult, so I can admit that I think she is a lousy bitch and someone should kidnap her, tape her eyes open, and force her to watch Lifetime for 48 straight hours until she learns the meaning of female solidarity. (Chicks before dicks!...unless he's particularly smart or attractive). Now the first thing Good Friend says to me is,
"Why didn't you warn me that MF is a DOUCHEBAG?"
And it's true. I didn't say a word...I found out they were dating, and I didn't try to stop it. I didn't say "Hey. Seriously, I KNOW he has a smile that would make Adolf Hitler giggle like a schoolgirl...but in my humble experience, he is going to cheat on you with 5 different women, and then somehow get you to blame yourself." I racked my brain for an excuse, and finally told her I respected her enough to know she'd come to the conclusion on her own.
But that's not true, considering I currently don't respect her at all. The real answer is: For some reason unbeknown to myself, I honestly thought he would treat her amazingly. Seriously, for some reason I had it in my head that MF was only a mindfucker (motherfucker) to me specifically, and that the next woman he was with would get nothing but honesty, kisses, affection, and a Harry Winston engagement ring. When the truth is...he used to be a jackass, he currently is a jackass, and he will probably continue to be a jackass even on his deathbed.
At the root of this is a bigger problem (It's always a bigger problem. Life is a series of big fucking problems wrapped within each other). Even though he was the one to fuck up badly, I blamed myself. And we always do this...for some reason, all women (hey and men!) have this insane belief that if we were good enough, Cheaters and Assholes alike would give up their evil ways and smother us with love and eskimo kisses. But it's not true! Some people are just mean. Independent of how sexy or clever or amazing at blowjobs you are, some people are just selfish, and rude, and mean.
This may sound depressing, but it's NOT! It is amazingly uplifting...it means that you don't have to worry about your horribly cruel exes being really happy with their lives right now. They aren't happy. Because they will drag the some bullshit and emotional garbage into all of their relationships, forever and ever. I can only hope that Good Friend comes to her senses and dumps him, though part of me is glad her ignorance of female solidarity has taught her an important lesson: If 50% of his exes became suicidal, and the other 50% became homicidal, statistics are just not in your favor.
I am so happy you will always suck,
Ivy
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