There's a reason that I gravitate to boys in plaid shirts and Converse shoes. The look is an indicator to me that here is a deep, sensitive guy. Now, listen, don't fucking lecture me on how I am completely stereotyping. I recognize that not every guy in a pair of girl's pants is going to be "the one" solely based on his hip sense of fashion. But I can bet you I don't want to date a guy in a popped collar Hollister polo. Or, even worse, a Nickleback t-shirt.
Now while I date pretty indiscriminately, everyone from stoners to investment bankers, I do have a single type of guy I always end up dedicating my collection of Dashboard Confessional songs to. Oh, the sensitive boy. The emotional boy. The boy with so many fucking issues, he makes Elliot Smith look like he had his shit together. And no, I'm not one of those people who wants to fix them or whatever. I want them to stay screwed up. I LIKE them because they are screwed up. I'm pretty sure that means I'm screwed up, too...but...I'd prefer to think I'm basically perfect.
Dating a sensitive guy is so badass because he is astute to all of your emotions...for the first week. Then he has you, and you don't even realize that he has completely stopped listening, and now is unloading his 8 tons of personal problems on you. Hindsight is 20/20...I always think Joe Sensitive cares about what I think and feel but then I realize a few key tells:
*I've had to repeat stories or facts about myself maybe 400 times.
*I know 70% more about his life than he knows about mine.
*He is incapable of describing my personality in an actually accurate way.
*He only asked me questions about myself on the first date.
*He thinks I like Nickleback.
The absolute best (worst) part about dating a "sensitive" guy is that they use this cute little trait to act like a complete dick to you without even noticing. He forgets you were supposed to hang out? That's okay, he had a lot going on in his brilliant, tangled head that day. He suddenly just doesn't "feel" like talking? Sensitive people are subject to sudden mood swings...it's the price you pay for getting to be with someone so deep and introspective! He is pushing you away/emotionally beating the shit out of you/turning hot and cold faster than Katy Perry can produce a new shitty pop song?? He's not a BAD person...he MEANS well...he WANTS to be good to you...he just has to sort his feelings. He just has to figure out what he wants. He needs time to learn to trust again, because he's been hurt badly before.
So. Fucking. What. So have I. I'm sensitive too, and guess what? I don't use it as an excuse to force people to deal with my shitty behavior. When I'm a bitch, I recognize it, and apologize. The thing is these "sensitive" guys aren't sensitive at all. Being sensitive entails the ability to recognize other people's emotions and empathize with them. No, no, what these types of guys are is brilliant. They've deduced a way to dick you over in such new and creative ways that we actually like them MORE for being little bitches...because it shows how strong their feelings are!
So the next time I find a supposedly tortured and sensitive "catch", I'm going to remember what I am really getting...another dick who doesn't call, doesn't ask about my day, and doesn't give a shit if it hurts me. Maybe I will start dating jocks...at least they'll weigh more than I do.
Realizing she could stand in a puddle of you and not get wet,
Ivy
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