I had an earth shattering, soul shaping, mind blowing realization today. No, I really and truly did. I'm not saying that it will in anyway make me change my behavior, but it is definitely a damn good realization. I once and for all realized what I don't like about players.
Because here's the thing. I'm not super fixated on monogamy, I'm actually pretty conceited in my abilities, and I'm not naive. To restate this...I know most people date around somewhat, and I don't give a shit. In fact, it's quite normal!
So then where's the problem?! Well I'll tell you, silly. Being a "player" (as in hooking up with chicks faster than I produce new blog entries) necessitates that you actually have pretty low standards. Not calling all players bottom feeders, but think about it. I will break this down into categories so as to make better understandable my new and amazing philosophy.
*Repeat Monogamists- Looking for one person to be with. Not necessarily "the one" (because, really, fuck that. Your "one" probably lives in Sri Lanka for all you know), but looking for one person who they can stay up all night talking to, who shares their interests, who they constantly want to rail. They have the highest standards...they are looking for one person who makes the need to be with all others obsolete. Whether or not this is foolish is your call (IT'S FOOLISH).
*Dating 2 to 4 people- Those who fall in this group usually have a similar goal to the monogamists...but they keep a more open mind. Usually, they recognize that it would be nice to meet Mr./Ms./Dr. Right (prefereably Dr. Right). But, for one reason or another, they have a need to be dabbling around, and meeting a few other people. They still have high standards...they go for people who give them raging hard ons intellectually and physically.
*Dating 5+ people/screwing everything with all its limbs or a suitably natural prosthetic: Seriously, do you know how fucking hard it is to find people who are attractive, intelligent, and funny? If the average bar is a random sampling of all available singles, only 30% are attractive, and only .07% are intelligent. If you HAVE standards, it is very, very difficult. So you tell me how in the fucking fuck you managed to find 5 or more people who meet your amazing(ly low) criteria. That's right, you probably don't actually have criteria.
And that, is officially, my problem with players. They don't have real standards, and so I do not feel flattered that they want to bang me. They want to bang me, the girl who just walked by, the girl who sits by them in class, the girl who worked out once near them at the gym, the girl who smiled at them on the bus...and most of those girls probably have syphillis, let's be real.
Now, don't worry, I do see the big, gaping hole in my logic. "But, Ivy, what if the person does have standards, very high standards but no one meets them/they are just looking for a good time/they are disease ridden whores who need to put it inside a new person every night? What then, Ivy?"
Then they are idiots. There is no other way to put it. To make an analogy, which will be a good one, because it involves pie:
Having standards and ignoring them is like walking into a restaurant with a craving for rhubarb pie. Then proceeding to order apple pie, blueberry pie, oreo pie, key lime pie, pumpkin pie, and sex with your waitress. Well now maybe you just wanted to try out some other pies (and now it gets sexual!) before you got to the one you wanted...and by now you're broke, sick of pie, and you've had sex with your waitress. The best part about this analogy is... go ahead and add the phrase 'you've dated around too much' before the last sentence. (You've dated around too much, and by now you're broke, sick of pie, and you've had sex with your waitress).
Womanizers (womanizer, womanizer, ooohhh!...sorry, I really have no control over that response anymore) are especially bad because ultimately what this means is they don't even bother to see the real you. And I guess that is what is at the root of my problem with them...I am taking time to show someone how hot, funny, and really damn clever I can be, and to them it is just the same as some only mildly attractive bimbo they picked up in a dark bar at 4 am. There is no point in trying with these types of people, because to them, every person is created equal. And yes, that works nicely in the US Constitution, but dating not so much. Do you really want to be with someone who gives you the same consideration, time, and energy as Too-Tanned Trixie he met at the bar, or even worse, only slightly attractive girl he met in class? Eeesh, aren't you better than that?
Saving room for rhubarb,
Ivy
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