In My Defense....

*Because we are technologically clueless, we couldn't figure out how to post in reverse order, so read the previous post first*

So I was going to sit here and try to defend myself.  But you know what, I can't.

I really liked this guy. He seemed nice. And by seemed nice I mean we had a few very nice conversations while at the bar and then back at his place- where, I might add, he didn't really try to make a move but instead stayed up and talked with me until 4am- when he then walked me home because I didn't want to stay at his place.  During the next few weeks I'd get a random text about the Cubs game, or classes, or whatever, but for some reason, he would only want to hang out with our group of friends at our usual Thursday and Saturday night spots.

I figured he was probably just really busy with school during the week.  I mean, he was majoring in something important (I forget what- its been a while, and I was always drunk when we talked...) so I just assumed the only down time he had was Thursday and Saturday between 11 pm and 4 am.  And it worked for me.  But after three weeks of this, I decided (my friends told me) that he and I should probably hang out sober.   As far as the "I'm afraid to actually hang out when I can fully comprehend what's going on" comment goes. I am! But you can't blame me! I'm fairly certain most of you have the same problem. Dating is scary. At the bar, I'm too distracted (horribly wasted) to realize the last thing I said wasn't cute, or smart, or funny and even if it wasn't- who cares? I can pretend it was and we'll end up making out 5 minutes later anyway.

But you know what I think I'm even more afraid of.  Going on the date and realizing Mr. Perfect Bar Hookup doesn't really care about the fact that I like art, or watch too much bad TV, or anything else about me because let's face it....he only started talking to me and bought me a beer because he thought I was pretty.  I'm sure he wasn't sitting with his friends saying, "that girl looks like she's really intelligent and charming, I think I should go have a meaningful conversation with her."  And what if that's it?  Do you think I really want to accept the fact that someone doesn't really like me or want to get to know me-that they just want to make out with me? Especially if that person is someone I've developed a crush on.  So to me, getting blown off during the week was MUCH less scary than realizing I was simply some random girl he made out with a few times. 

And here's the reason I can't defend myself.  It's my fault. It's totally and completely my fault.  I convinced myself that after a while, he'd want to get to know me, hang out with me, and eventually we'd date.  But he didn't.  If he did, it wouldn't have taken him three weeks to do it.  Now, I'm not saying never kiss anyone in a bar again (I'll admit it, it's fun) but I think it's important to realize if he's not trying to see you any other time, it's because he doesn't want to.  And realistically, why would you want to be wasting your time on him then, anyway?

Realizing Hindsight is 20/20

Ally