Something new and different.

I often try to make these posts hi-larious. And I hope I succeed! But, right now I don't feel so hilarious. And I think it's time to discuss some of the roots of this problem. I try often not to be the mopey single girl, though I know that is often how it turns out. But I try not to be the single friend who is constantly self deprecating, wishing she were in a relationship, or other annoying single kid behavior. But let's have a small bit of honesty with each other, blogger to reader:

Going to bed alone every night hurts sometimes. I don't know why it is ingrained in our culture to so deny this. In general, we are taught to not admit when we are hurt. So, what are we supposed to do when we are? Pretend we are not, then applaud ourselves for our strength of character? This works for about five minutes. And then we retreat back into ourselves, and internalize all the reasons we feel lousy and rejected. Would it not just be better to take the other route and confess to ourselves the tangle of sucky, shitty emotions bouncing through us?

This is better than a drunk dial. This is a drunk blog post, and at least no one who matters has to hear it. I'm embarrassing myself in blog land, but please keep in mind the humiliation I've spared in the form of needless drunk dials/drunk, sobbing confessions of undying love. I will format this in terms of my favorite movie, 10 things I hate about you:

*Hi. I hate that me not sleeping with you had zero effect on you, since you were able to sleep with about 37 other women.
*I also hate that somehow no matter how much you tell me I'm attractive, I feel unattractive around you.
*I hate that instead of going to bed, I am in the need to blog my feelings for you away.
*I hate how there is no distraction large enough to keep me from thinking about you.
*I hate how you weren't who I thought you were, even remotely.
*I hate how when it comes to you, I have about five minutes of strength before I relapse into being an idiotic girl again.
*I hate how you're actually kind of a coward.
*I hate how you HOOKED UP WITH ONE OF MY FRIENDS.
*I hate how you're probably the most intelligent person I know.
*Most of all, I hate that I don't hate you one bit, not at all...no, just kidding, I really do completely hate you.

All of those statements were gross and emotional. Please keep in mind that I am drunk. And also, I am using this as a venting grounds. I did not make a drunk dial tonight, I repeat: I did not make a drunk dial tonight.

Not making a drunk dial,

Ivy